Help me Stay Healthy by Boosting my Google PageRank

My Google pagerank is a 4. Respectable. But, it once was a 5 a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Then Google did some algorithm adjustment and mine fell. I have my sneaking suspicions why, but I agree when Google makes adjustments. Or corrections.

But, since that was well over a year ago, I’ve been doing some stewing and brewing and I’ve come to the conclusion that I sort of don’t like it. It’s like being a certain age and then having to go back a year. Can you imagine if your parents just said to you, “Well, you’ll just have to go back to the age of 11 instead of staying 12 any longer”. But, why? “Because we said so and we know what’s best for you!”

Google is sort of like my internet parents. I know they love me and have my best interests at heart, but I’m still a bit of a whiny child and just feel like sulking anyway.

I think Google should follow the example of the folks at Blizzard Entertainment who make the World of Warcraft game, not that I have any first-hand knowledge of that game.

But supposedly, once you obtain a certain level in WoW, you get to keep it forever. The game makers just keep raising the ceiling. At once time, being a level 60 was as powerful as you could be. After two major add-ons, they’ve raised the ceiling to 80, and supposedly 90 is now in the works.

This keeps the top guys from getting complacent as I recently lamented about Technorati’s ranking system, yet it still lets the newer players at least maintain the hard work they’ve earned.

So, since I don’t think Google is going to raise their max page rank to 20 anytime soon, I decided to try and at least get my rank of 5 back. I don’t want to purposely manipulate their little system, since that would probably be a violation of their terms of service (which probably equates to a federal crime in certain parts of California), so I’m just going to ask quite politely.

Here’s my proposal. If you link to me directly and you are the blogger or website owner who causes me to break from a PR4 to a PR5, I will send you a very special gift. What will the gift be? Well, it won’t be monetary, but it will be a token of my appreciation. You don’t have to alert me to the link (unless you just want to draw extra attention to your act of kindness) as I have many ways to monitor this on my own.

I’ll also be offering a few more specific gifts in a few upcoming contests, so stay tuned for those if you need specific motivation.

Again, as a reminder, I’m not maliciously wanting to manipulate the system here. I just want to go back to being five. I don’t like being four. I’ll be happy with five. I don’t really have any desire to be six or seven. That’s too much responsibility… too many chores. But I don’t like being told to play in the sandbox when I really should be in kindergarten learning my ABC’s. I was in kindergarten once and it was fun - and then I got sent back to hangout with the preschoolers. While they are all great kids, they keep leaving a bit of snot on all of my toys. So, yes, it’s really all about my health. You do care about health, don’t you?

I don’t hold any illusions that a higher pagerank will necessarily bring better traffic. It might, but if it doesn’t, I’m okay with that. There’s a certain audience that I’m capable of reaching and trust me, it isn’t the mass of America. In fact, you’ll see in my next contest why that is - and why it always will be.

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Oh boy, you’ve done it now, you mentioned “help me”, “page rank” and “manipulate” in the same blog post and that is a clear violation of Google algorithm policy 1E96b part C. Then you threw in something about WoW. Your parents are very mad at you. Move back to page rank -1.

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