Yet Another Excuse NOT to Get Married

I was recently informed about a new website called Dodgeball that, unbelievably to me, has been purchased by Google. Now, in theory, anything that Google does is typically genius or at least smart. This, however, was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Which means, of course, that it necessarily involves cell phones. Almost every “cool” website that uses any kind of interfacing with cell phones, is typically, about as uncool and geeky as I can imagine.

Dodgeball allows you to put all of your “friends” on a list and then send them a text message saying you are at a certain place in town. Of course, the website uses the example of a bar. I guess nobody text messages “I”m at the public library!”. You can send it to one friend, or all friends with one quick text message. Why would you want to tell all your friends you arrived at a bar? I’ve heard of loneliness, but this beats the cake. It should be called

Anyway, of course, your friends of your friends can then all link to you and the whole thing becomes one giant, messy, social networking fiasco…. leading up to your ability to go online to the website, check out people’s profiles (which means - these days anyway - half-clothed kids) and tag up to five people as a “crush”. Yes, people you don’t even know. Then, if one of your crushes has text-messaged to their friends that they are within 10 blocks of where you text-messaged your location, they get a special text message notifying them of your name and location. How creepy is that? Imagine getting a text-message saying “Nick is at the Grocery Store around the corner and he has a crush on you”.

This will become the stomping ground of only three types of people. First. promiscuous people are the likely target of this site. Of course, Google in its “be good” philosophy, doesn’t allow too much promiscuity. After all, you can only have five crushes at once. Beyond that, I guess, would promote loose values.

Second, naturally, predators of every ilk will squirm their way onto this network. I await the first public report of a stalking (or worse) being done with this site.

Lastly, perpetually single people will use this as yet another excuse not to get married and to waste away their youth chasing dumb technology. Of course, they will all make the now-nauseating excuse that they might meet their “soul mate” this way. Yeah - at a bar. Over a text message and an internet profile.

This is similar to a goofy device that I once heard about in Japan that used some sort of low-power radio signals. Boys would wear blue devices, They would put their interests and stuff into this thing and what they were looking for (in a “mate/friend”) and then when ever someone nearby (apparently a city block or so) had a matching profile - their little device would light up and so would the other person’s, and they could wander the block looking for each other. Needless to say, it was the rage among kids in Japan about five years ago.

There is something inherently wrong with a youth that spends little or no time developing existing relationships, but continues to spend the vast majority of its energy on “finding” new relationships. I’d like to see a “social networking” site that allows people to (somehow) rate the quality of a relationship along with how long the two people have known each other - and to place that as a higher ranking than just the sheer number of contacts on your profile. I’d have a feeling not too many people would find that of interest in this day and age.

It is easier to get new “friends” - especially when you dumb down the definition of friend to “a person I’ve instant messaged with at least five times about a cool TV show we both watch”. Whatever happened to taking a bullet for a friend? The only bullets the idiots on Dodgeball will be taking for their friends, are the ones they never intended to take. I’ve got to be honest - if I was the Attorney General of Florida, I’d look at getting this site blocked - before someone gets killed. We can pre-emptively strike terrorist cells - why not pre-emptively strike stupid dangerous websites that serve no real purpose? Google should be ashamed of its involvement in such a trite website.

The logical underpinning of this site gives me an idea. Why not create a site called “” (which someone has actually registered!) where people (i.e.dealers) can text-message drug deal locations to their friends (i.e. users). Oh, wait - never mind! They can just use to that already! I’m going to support every Patriot Act as long as this idiotic stuff is allowed.

Technorati : dating, friends, marriage, single

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