Who Do You Want to Work For?

I get a lot of calls from recruiters, potential employers, and those needing contract work done. Needless to say, I turn a lot of it down. A lot of time I get turned down. It’s a funny game we in the freelance world.

We put out our resume on Monster, Careerbuilder, Hotjobs, Dice, and other resume “career” websites. And then we wait for the inevitable telephone calls. From anyone and everyone who might stumble across it based on some keyword search. Often, the person I’m talking to on the phone hasn’t spent more than 30 seconds looking at my qualifications, background, or interests before picking up the phone. They want to know basically one thing before continuing: Will I work for $X to do Y work at location Z for company Q? I’m supposed to say, of course, “yes” and then the real qualifying begins.

Dumb Job Ads: Graphics/Dreamweaver/Programmer 17-40 $/hr

I almost find this one impossible to believe. Do the people who wrote this ad have any contact with humans? Do they meet people, listen to their opinions, or wonder how this job ad might be taken by actual people in the real world? I’m thinking…. no.

Valve company in Florida is actively seeking a graphics designer. Qualified candidates should have 3-5 years experience developing corporate marketing collateral, web page content, web ads, multimedia demos and sales presentations. Required experience in Flash design, HTML, PHP, and Apex. Previous experience using Fox Pro a plus but not required. Company offers a competitive salary, excellent benefits including a cafeteria plan. Salary listed is an approximation, so all eligible candidates are encouraged to apply.
Questions you will be asked:

Dumb Job Ads: Two Crazy Craigslist Ads

Craigslist is so full of bad ads that I’m trying to avoid using them as fodder for my little series on Dumb Job Ads.

But today, two of them struck at once. It was like being confronted by that dual lightsaber thing that Darth Maul use: I couldn’t go left, I couldn’t go right. Stuck.

Here’s the first one:

Internet Hacker/ web promoter needed

I need a person that is very good with driving traffic to website. I am not so much concerned about how my websites look, but about it making money.
Will work out deal depending on your capabilities.

Dumb Job Ads: Web Deigner (short internship)

Yes, the spelling of designer as “deigner” should be a head’s up. Along with the spelling of candidates as “candidadates”.

I don’t know when America is going to get serious about allowing anyone, even a freelancer, to work for free. It should be illegal. Some companies in California are now conducting two and three day “trial” work periods. Candidates don’t get paid, but they do work. While I’d argue that phony interviews due to failed pre-screenings and unprepared interviewers should be compensated, I certainly think that once an employee (or “candidate”) begins any actual work that in any way benefits the company, they should be compensated accordingly.

Dumb Job Ads: Web Developer!

Hold on to your punctuation hats and watch out for flying exclamation points. You’re sure to be excited by this dumb job ad:

TRIAD Personnel is currently seeking a creative web developer to join a great company in the Melbourne area! We are looking for someone with multimedia web software knowledge (Macromedia and Adobe applications). Candidate must also have strong knowledge of ASP and PHP as well as in a .NET environment including ASP/VB, JavaScript, XML, MySQL and database design principles. Candidate will be a liaison between IT and Marketing departments and other teams to ensure web content and design is effective. If you meet this qualifications and want to work with a great team, please send us your resume for IMMEDIATE consideration. Thank you!

Dumb Job Ads: .NET Web Developer / Foosball Champion

I’m not making this up. And I’m not seeking these out as much as you might think for three in four days. A friend sent this to me when he stumbled upon it on the Miami Craigslist here. It is a doozy, so be sure you have taken your proper dose of medication before reading it.

ichameleon/group/ develops innovative, high profile websites and applications that fuse video, audio and flash media for our clients. At least that’s our cover. We’re really secret foosball junkies.

Dumb Job Ads: Freelance WEB Designer needed for low budget project

The series continues… sooner than I thought it would. Not even a few days later, I stumble across this beauty. You’d think I’d be making this up, but I’m not. Here it is on Craigslist.

Freelance web designer needed for new Orlando company
We have a couple of low budget websites
we are seeking a very simple webcast site 1 page with movie showing 24 hours this can be a 30 minute repeat loop then an archive that can be searched though a key word system
Please send contact information and links to work done

Dumb Job Ads: Office Assistant Web Developer

I have a friend who posts really dumb online dating ads to his blog. He does this with some regularity which only leads me to believe he spends an awful lot of time on online dating services scoping for chicks. Perhaps equally sad, if not more so, is my own obsession with reading the help wanted ads. I subscribe to a half-dozen feeds of job ads, mostly for freelance work purposes and short-term contracts.

Despicable Job Choices

Sometimes, when you are down and out, between jobs, just trying to get by, you might be tempted to take a job that you otherwise would not have considered. I’ve seen engineers working at Walgreens. I’ve seen mortgage brokers working as roofers. No matter how bad it gets though, there are some jobs you should never consider.

Most people will automatically make wild claims that they would never do certain things for money - bank robbery, for example. Or prostitution. But, those are personal moral choices that people make because they lead to an undesireable lifestyle which, along with the potential criminal penalties, most people do not want to venture into.

10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job

Steve Pavlina has done it again with an almost outrageous article called 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job that will be sure to infuriate some people. Yes, you know who you are. Granted, Steve makes a relatively small fortune (by some people’s standards) so maybe he is more comfortable saying what many of us think but are afraid to say.

Top 10 Ways to Motivate Geeks

The Retrospector has posted the Top 10 Ways to Motivate Geeks at work. I couldn’t possibly agree more. I think I’ve finally realized why some employers hate me. They aren’t geeks! They want what geeks can bring to the table, but they don’t know how to manage geeks.

By this I mean that they want geeks to “fix” things in their little office world… make them more efficient, make their jobs easier, make them profitable, etc. But, they don’t want to pay us what we are worth - not in $$$ per se, but in these ten motivations listed by The Retrospector.

7 Differences between Men and Women in the Workplace

1. Men communicate better. Women do communicate better in most other areas of life. Men are direct, to the point, and make few allowances for failure or emotional differences that can’t be tied to logical results and behaviors. Phrases like “I just think…” and “We’re all trying…” are not uncommon from women when attempting to persuade.

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